In my eyes, within the one and only Mathematics. **shudders**

I was never an academically strong character, and Mathematics has always been one of the banes in my life ever since I was a wee little thing. All was well during the years of additions and subtractions…until multiplication tables and squares as well as cubes of numbers were to be** memorized** until they were at the tips of your fingers and fractions were introduced.

When I was in primary school – every one of my Math exam papers screamed** ‘ FAIL‘.** I was always picked on by my class teacher who was also my Math teacher. She knew how weak I was in the subject, and in order to make me improve, she constantly prodded at me – asking questions(

*fractions*)that ended up with me standing for ages if I didn’t know the answer or got it wrong; and having me solve whiteboard problems. With the utmost reluctance, I would step on the platform of shame in front of the board and fail to solve it. Whenever I did solve anything, Teacher’s back was always turned so I could also turn and silently beg my fellow classmates for the answers – which came in peace signs or rock n’ roll signs.

One would think that because of my ethnicity, that I would be superb in Math – one of the few stereotypes that I have been chucked into like rag doll Sally. One incident went something like this, after I had asked someone a question regarding darned logarithms in Additional Mathematics tuition a few months back:

*Someone: Aren’t you supposed to know these kind of things?
Me: Well, I’m quite poor in Maths…*while thinking ‘Of course I know. I’m just asking you for fun or to confirm on how mathematically brilliant I am’*
Someone: Oh. That’s weird. For you. A lot of my classmates of your kind are always so good in both Maths and Add Maths. I always ask them in school.
Me: …I am half.
*

“That’s weird. For you. *Your kind.”* Imagine my slight annoyance at that harmless stereotypical statement. I tend to use the fact that I am a hybrid so that I can get away with being…mathematically handicapped. Might as well, right?

Doth thou know what is worse than a two-set Mathematics exam in one week? *Two* two-set Mathematics exams in one week. I have just finished my final Additional Mathematics exam and I can say it was a complete and utter…*insert word, preferably profanity*.

In my country, Mathematics is split into two: Mathematics, which includes topics such as Sets, Earth as a Sphere(?), Matrices and Variances. I am relatively fine with Mathematics now. I only came to terms with it when I started secondary school in 2009.

Then 2012 came and I was introduced to Additional Mathematics. Suddenly I preferred doing chores rather than picking at my brain on functions, quadratic equations, logarithms, trigonometry, algebra and calculus. I had to find* x’s, y’s, a’s, b’s, c’s, k’s, h’s…* The symbol for gradient was ‘*m’, *y-intercept was ‘*c’* and graphs haunted my life. Linear programming and linear law are the pits.

**“Then Satan said let there be alphabets in Mathematics…”**

*Bloody engineers… *I am convinced that their brains have been strangely tampered with for them to understand all this so easily.

I had no choice but to continue taking Additional Mathematics for 2012-2013 even though I failed every exam(my first exam I literally just stayed home out of fear. The first time I took it properly, most of my answer sheets were blank) because I was poorer in Physics, and I chose to replace my Physics class with English Literature in January this year.

Worst best choice ever made. Or best worst choice.

I am not looking to be an engineer or architect in the future, so the reader can imagine my frustration every time I have to do Add Math work.

The odd thing about being in my year is that majority of students are generally very weak in Add Maths. Those cursed to be placed in the Science Stream have no choice but to take the class unless you can replace it with an elective. There are only two students in my class who got 90-99%(A+) in said subject. No one has ever gotten triple digits.

I remember mentioning something about my distaste for Mathematics to a hybrid bloke, and apparently he had a better relationship with * it *than I ever did – and told me that it was

*“just letters and numbers”.*

**Just letters and numbers… **(It basically is but…*just?* Good Lord…)

Good thing I was in a good mood that evening and that he was nice to look at.

I may sound a little exaggerated because I am actually alright with Mathematics. It’s the Add Maths that include things like…differentiation and integration that really makes my brain melt out of my ears.

So, I have just finished both Mathematics exams. *Woo hoo, *and this is the aftermath of it all(Ha. See what I did there? After-math?? *wags eyebrows*).

‘am typing this post because I really like the misleading title and the play on the word *aftermath*(I find amusement in the littlest things). I also thought it would be a form of release for me – to pour out some of my frustrations towards Maths that have been pent up within myself for eleven years.

I am pretty sure I won’t need to use the laws of indices or Venn diagrams or logarithms in the future – and I hope I never will. That shit is insane.

I end this post with another stimulating picture of Maths.

xx

E.N.