I have watched many romantic movies. From comedies to award-winning heart-wrenchers, and read romance books that have been deemed unrealistic or hope-giving. The contained similarity of it all in one word? Love. The heartache-inducing-butterflies-in-stomach-jack-and-rose kind.
What is Love? The Big L. The word that has been discussed, debated, and the reason as well as the bane of humans’ existence. Some people do not seek it, some people feel that they have the interpretation of it down pat while others still keep a look-out for it. What is Love worth? Peoples’ lives, as displayed by Romeo and Juliet?(cue eye-rolling from some readers)
Is it blind, as Shakespeare said?
I hotly disagree(sorry, Will).
In my opinion, lust or crushes are blind. The lover can be blind(metaphorically, mind you), but I feel that Love is able to make you see things in a clearer, better light. It is beautiful, and also capable of creating a form of beauty.
I still firmly believe in the concept of ‘True Love’, that has been believed by the majority of society as an ‘illusion’ or ‘fairytale’. I am a rebel of reality so it is natural that I would have such a belief. However, I do not agree that everyone should have a fierce passion like Romeo and Juliet, and when the going gets tough, that they should just bring forth their ultimate demise. Only a small handful of people really get to experience ‘love at first sight’ that lasts for eternity or ‘the first and forever love’. If only, right?
To me, Love needs passion and communication. Without passion, the ‘life’ and ‘fire’ of Love can easily fizzle out. I’ve witnessed couples(especially married ones) who slowly begin to follow each day like a forced routine. Their passion for each other dies down and intimacy disappears because of harsh reality and unfortunately they grow apart. And without communication – there is no trust, no understanding, and ultimately disaster. I have seen marriages where the couple no longer communicates or make quality time for each other until seeing them together is just…lifeless. I witnessed the lack of communication that led to my parents’ messy divorce. Without knowing each other, without trying to, just spells ‘irreconcilable differences’.
Love is about accepting and embracing the good and the bad. And if the significant other has serious issues such as drug addiction or the like, his/her partner will never give up on them no matter how difficult the situation gets. Differences are respected and similarities are enjoyed. Distance, numbers(whether age or money) does not matter and really shouldn’t. To me Love is when you absolutely love and hate the person. Sure, couples argue, quarrel, what have you…but then that’s when communication is sorely needed. I’ve come to realize that relationships in general require communication and effort. My best friend and I easily put arguments behind us despite our hot tempers because we eventually talk things out instead of just feeling bitter about it on our own(I realize this example is not related to the topic but it’s the only example I can afford). Love is when you want to throw kitchen sinks at them, but end up shaking your head with a silly grin – or when you want to set them on fire but you never do it because if you do, you’ll miss them to no end or douse both yourselves in the kerosene.
I believe Love knows no limits. Love is worth fighting for, whether it be cultural/religious obstacles or society. At the end of the day, we are all the same species, we are our own person and we carve our own paths. Life(the realistic one) is simply too short and valuable to have such restrictions. I understand that in some cultures and religions, people do not have the luxury to have this form of freedom and I am truly thankful that I do not have such restrictions(not that much anyway). But I do not see the sense in holding yourself back from going after or fighting for someone who you feel is just…IT. As long as you’re not harming anyone…why not?
I believe that even if you feel a little ‘spark’, just that special little something towards someone – that someone is at least worth the chance and experience. It is a risky gamble, but it is more painful to have to look back and think ‘what if‘ or ‘what could have been‘, instead of ‘suffering now than later’. I think in this case, if one chooses to suffer now, eventually they will slowly suffer later as well(we are only human). It is a journey worth taking, and no journey is ever easy…even for those who find Love at first sight.
There is also that question on whether or not a person should be totally ‘whole’ and have achieved their personal goals and individuality before finding Love. There is a truth in that. If a person is very weak from an emotional and mental aspect, it is very difficult – for strength and happiness from within shouldn’t really be achieved from another person, but from self. However, another person can definitely help with the process.
What about security? Be completely financially secure before pursuing an intense, roller coaster-esque, volcanic, romantic relationship? It is important, especially if a couple moves in together/get married. But Love isn’t about money. If love and money had to be in the same sentence, the first thing that would come to mind would be greed. I realize I may sound rather unrealistic, but like I said – rebel of reality.
Love is about happiness. To quote a Chinese song, as long as there is happiness – love is right. Who would want a miserable love? It’s common sense. Love is also about your significant other. About their happiness. When they’re happy, you’re happy. Simple. At least, I think that is how it works. All you want is the best for them. You will sacrifice yourself and your own joy for their sake. It is not about yourself – if pursuing someone for your own happiness – yes, but one does not ‘shape’ their partner selfishly.
All in all, Love is definitely not easy. It’s not about how much you have in common, it’s not about whether or not how your differences complete each other like a puzzle, and it’s not a competition. I do not pretend to be an expert at it for I have not experienced it much – but at least for now I am still free to share what I feel. I find that this post is rather short and does have its holes, but I plan on revisiting this topic again – for I am both lover and fighter in a way. Perhaps some may perceive me as still too young and naive, the voice of a dreamy little girl who has yet to know the true hardships in life and reality – and although I may sound like something out of a film or a book, I actually do still hold that sliver of hope for it, starry-eyed or not.
To be continued…